chapter 2 . part 3

HOW TO REACT WHEN YOU WITNESS ABUSE ?

Abusive behaviour can come from anyone

Abusive can happen to anyone, by anyone, regardless of gender identity, sexual orientation, origin, race, economic status, or age.

Identifying abusive behaviors is hard when you know the abuser—particularly if you’ve never seen them abuse someone else.

Abusive behaviour might feel like a private matter, but when it comes to violence, it is no longer private.

In this section we talk about identifying aggressive behaviors when you see them

Understand the implications of your own actions

Always ask permission from the person being abused before talking to the abuser - unless you witness the abusive behavior.

Creating and understanding both your own and the victim’s boundaries are of the utmost importance.

See examples of situations.

Situation

New situations

What if you were close friends with Jordan instead of Alex?

Situation

Situation 1

You hang out all the time and even share a friend group.

Some of your friends try to tell you that Jordan is probably abusing their partner, Alex, who you have only met once or twice. You find this hard to believe because Jordan has always been nice to you.

But then you think more about it and start from a place of belief – who knows what could happen behind closed doors.

Finally, you see Jordan’s post mocking Alex’s new haircut. Think back to the 9 signs of abuse and the previous situation you witnessed.

Situation

Situation 2

You’re about to meet up with Jordan but they’re running late. Jordan talks about their controlling relationship with Alex. At one point Jordan even brags about it. What do you do? 

You
Almost at the restaurant. You there?

How can you react ?

It is not over-reacting to set your own boundaries and to be secure in your own values. Here are some things you could consider saying:

1.First, don’t stay silent or think it’s none of your business. Silence is complicity.

2.You can tell Jordan that their behavior seems abusive and that you would never treat a partner that way. This establishes that their behavior is not acceptable or normal.

3.You can set a boundary for your friendship with Jordan. You do not have to be friends with people who abuse their partners, even if they seem nice to you.

4.You can remind Jordan that they are responsible for their own behavior and for the consequences of it. This tells Jordan that you are not going to let them off the hook.

5.You can recommend that they find help for anger management or controlling behaviors so they can be a better partner.

Stand for your values

What if you were friends with both Jordan and Alex ?

If you are friends with both people in a couple and hear or realize that one person may be abusing the other, start with an open mind and watch for yourself.

Only intervene if you witness abusive behavior yourself, not if you hear about it from the target of abuse, unless you have their explicit permission to confront their abuser.

Expressing your principles to your friend group and making your values of healthy relationships known to all can set the stage for role modeling healthy behavior

2. 3 HOW TO REACT WHEN YOU WITNESS ABUSE ?
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